I didn’t get what I wanted

February 3, 2022

Here is the (sweaty, tired) face of someone who has finalized the edits for her second book, Social media detox for mums.

I’ve still got typesetting, legal, promotions, recording for Audible and a million other things to finalise, but I’ll have a cover reveal with a release date soon.

Weirdly, this isn’t what I wanted. It’s not what I imagined.

Let me explain.

Have you ever found yourself wishing for something to happen, thinking if you want it badly enough it will all work out?

But then it doesn’t happen and you ride through the waves of annoyance and disappointment.

Then something shifts, and you end up realizing you’re glad you didn’t end up with the thing you wanted?

This wasn’t the book I envisaged writing.

As some of you know, last summer I was in the midst of interviewing people for the book I was ‘supposed to’ write – parents of the pandemic. I interviewed about 10 parents of children under 5 years old from different countries. We all thought we were going into reflection mode. That I’d be launching the book this month.

Of course, within a few weeks of my last interview the pandemic ramped up again, and here we are, one year on still feeling like we’re somewhat in survival mode rather than reflection mode.

As ‘wu’ as it sounds, the vision I had of writing this book was clear:
me, sitting in my office with the blinds down, air con blasting during a heatwave. Staying in my PJs for days, with my sweaty face and messy bun, living off icy poles and coffee while I finalized this book.

It never happened. 12 months after my last interview I don’t even have so much as a draft of the book. Just a lot of video to edit and a weird sense of having let people down. And yet, I know the timing isn’t right. The whole way the universe has been showing me that the timing wasn’t right. Something else wanted to come through.

It’s happened to me before.

I spent about 6 years trying to find the right job, instead of listening to the voice that said I’d be so much happier as my own boss.

I spent years blocking other opportunities – e.g. to live overseas “because I have to build and maintain my private practice” and because “I’d have to retrain and re-register overseas”. Turns out I can work anywhere in the world doing what I do now. And could have, many years earlier if only I’d trusted my inner voice.

This week’s blog is really about pausing to consider where you might be blocking something?

Maybe you’ve had a vision for the feeling you want to have about work but you’ve gotten caught up in what work is ‘supposed to’ look like?

Maybe there’s something you’ve always wanted to try in your work, but you don’t trust yourself (or the process?)

The vision I had of me hot and sweaty while I finalized a book in a heatwave actually did come true. It was just a different book to the one I had planned.

What might things look like if you let go of what you think you should be doing and allow something else to come through?


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