Because the truth is I can barely add up. It's not just being 'bad' at math. It's an inability to get my brain to do simple things that other people take for granted - like work out sales tax or split the bill. I have a PhD but still need to use my fingers to add up. For years I thought there was something wrong with my brain. Teachers (and my Dad) thought I wasn' trying hard enough and yet I managed. My verbal/written and intuitive social-emotional skills allowed me to overcompensate. 

In my honours year of Psychology we had to practise administering and scoring IQ and achievement tests on each other. My profile was so wonky that I think my partner thought I was pretending to be that bad at math so we'd have something more interesting to score. 
I self-diagnosed Dyscalculia - a specific learning disorder (and form of neurodivergence) that's marked by difficulties with number sense, memorising math facts, and performing mathematical calculations and reasoning. I kept it a secret and continued to self-gaslight for another 20 years. Kept up the story that I was probably just a bit dumb and had to work harder than everyone else. It wasn't until I saw my my own kids struggling with their own learning difficulties that I decided to give up pretending. 

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