On being married to an identical twin

December 14, 2021

There is no one like you, even if another person has exactly the same DNA
I feel like when I started a relationship with an identical twin it heightened my ability to really, truly ‘see’ people as individuals. Every micro expression, every quirk, every little detail which defined my boyfriend (now husband) from his brother.
And yes, I have great stories! Here’s two, if you want to grab a cup of tea…
Offending Mrs Robinson

My husband James and his brother went to a small, conservative Christian school. When I was 18 I got a summer casual job supervising Year 12 exams at my husband’s old school.
One day when James and I were packing up all the exams into boxes, his old English teacher, Mrs Robinson (yes, really) came up to say hello.
Oh, is this your wife?” she asked, staring at my left hand.
“No”, James said, smiling.
Oh the scandal.
Turns out the poor woman mistook James for his twin (who was married) and thought he was cheating on his wife (with me!).
This began a series of events in which I noticed the twins had a habit of not correcting people when they “got the wrong boy”.
Mars bars and stink eyes

The women at the Campbelltown service station seemed to hate me. Everyone in Tassie knows Campbelltown. Before they made it slightly fancier with actual cafes and a Subway (the food chain, not the transport!), mostly all that was there was a servo (service station). It was the place to stop between the north and the south. A chance for a toilet break and, in our case, to refuel – with a deep fried Mars Bar.
I’m not sure what’s more disgusting – the grown women being so rude and unkind to a 17 year old girl (me), or the fact that I used to eat deep fried mars bars.
One day, James’ twin and his wife made the trip up North and stopped in at the servo. Apparently one of the staff commented “don’t you want a fried Mars Bar like you always do?” and when he had no idea what they were talking about it dawned on them.
Oh, it’s twins, not actually the same guy bringing his scarlet woman to the servo.
There really is only one of you.
Do your own thing, in your own voice, and quit researching what everyone else is doing. So many of my mentoring clients lose sleep when someone else is already doing something similar – maybe they’ve launched a course on a similar topic, or are known for niche you want to be known for. So what?
James actually took his brother’s old job when he moved overseas. It took some people two years to realise he wasn’t the same person (ok, slight exaggeration).
There is enough room for everyone to do their thing. No one will offer exactly what you offer because no one else is you. Trust that the right clients for you will find YOU.
Weekly whimsy

Don’t you love how accidents can lead to the best of things?
This week, my grocery order arrived with the wrong pretzels. As someone who has always hated sour cream, I was initially annoyed, yet once I opened the packed I immediately smiled. I know the shape is supposed to be a knot. Yet, all I can see is a cat in a spy mask.

Mum as You Are
Episode 24 is about how to feel your feelings. The process where we gently practice switching from naming thoughts and beliefs (e.g., “I can’t do this, I’m stupid”) and breathe into sensations (e.g., I notice my shoulders feeling tight).
As I delve more into how we use social media and our phones to numb our unwanted emotions (especially now the metaverse is upon us), I think the skills of observing and accepting our unpleasant feelings is vital. Tolerating the intolerable experience of being a human is one of the most important skills we can learn.
You can listen to the episode HERE


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I specialise in birth trauma and perinatal mental health. I also write books, create courses & provide clinical supervision & business mentoring.


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